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SO.

Hello One and All

This is my first entry so bear with me while I try not to fuck shit up too much.

I've decided that for my first entry I'm going to post a poem that I wrote that I kinda like but think it could use some feedback. BE WARNED: I like alliteration far more than is necessary and spell things the Canadian way

WORDS

How to write.
Write what you know.
Be honest in what you say.
Touch your reader with the emotion and pain and pleasure and
love life lost that you've experienced.

So you write tales and fairy tales of whole families and princesses and ogres
and hope.

Then they tell you what you've written is unrealistic, naive,
a miniature fantasy caught with a net made of staring butterflies.

So you pretend to cut.
Pretend to bleed.
Maybe even scratch at the surface of real emotion.
Experience an ache so deep and full of want.
A need you cannot explain but is constant.
The wanting of deep emotion.
Because you know that epics and love stories weren't built and based on these post-modern dreams.

Then they criticise and scream the words of true hope and pain.
Cut from their mouths real knives
that eject themselves from pages and screens unto your eyes.
Hilt deep in your brain they explain with a twist that what you say cannot be so.
It's too dramatic and trite.
Too exaggerated and grand for the futuristic reader.

So you frown.
You sit still and calm and feel.
And try to feel.
And feel nothing and everything because you know you've felt feelings before.
You try to explain through borrowed words.
Phrases and fragments of sentences that remind you you're not alone in what you say
but it brings you no comfort.
You are a green face in the middle of a bright sea.

You spend an inordinate amount of time thinking about subordinate things.
Gather the dirt and skin off your bones and mold it.
Leave the shape brown and muddied with your hand prints.
Breath in and exhale and breath in again
because you're still here. Going through the motions
having lost against life and your love of words.

Finally they exalt and praise your foreseen victory.
Because today is finally the future and the future's always brighter.
But you're stuck in the present with three versions of yourself;
naked bones and dirty hands and a pile of dirt that hates you for your existence.

........
So that's that I guess.

Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
semiprecious17
Mar. 29th, 2011 02:38 am (UTC)
HI! you commented on my journal so i felt obligated to come check yours out....I'm fucking glad i did!!!

So you pretend to cut.
Pretend to bleed.
Maybe even scratch at the surface of real emotion.
Experience an ache so deep and full of want.
A need you cannot explain but is constant.
The wanting of deep emotion.
Because you know that epics and love stories weren't built and based on these post-modern dreams.


This whole stanza was beautiful and so true to life.
your writing style is amazing, it left me a little giddy lol

I'm definitely friending you and hope to see more of you in the future! <3
theradicalrad
Apr. 1st, 2011 02:24 pm (UTC)
THANK YOU SO MUCH DARLING <3<3

Oh god, sorry it took so long to reply but I never know what to say to nice comments and yours has left me smiling for days.

Hopefully I'll be posting some shameless pwp soon since my term is finally done and I have free time :D
morelenmir
Apr. 7th, 2011 06:02 am (UTC)
DUDE. Seriously amazed here. You have a talent with words that I envy and strive toward. Freakin' beautiful.

Alliteration rocks and bah, Canadian (Canadien? I dunno?) spelling is cool. I'm a language whore so my spelling is all over the place. ;)
theradicalrad
Apr. 7th, 2011 09:44 am (UTC)
What did I ever do to deserve such pretty words?! ;/////;

And psh, you're one to talk. I am IN LOVE with the team free will 2.0 fic you've written. *hangs head in shame for her lurker ways* I'll be good for the next part though!
morelenmir
Apr. 8th, 2011 05:06 am (UTC)
N'awwwwww. *smish*
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )